My Ignoramus Driver

Posted: January 5, 2015 in Diary at Dawn

Happy New Year folks. We are at the cusp of a hopefully exciting future.

It’s been a long time since I took up the pen and scribbled something down for the love of god. Just kidding- the God has nothing to do with my wits and imagination. In fact it has a lot to do with my laziness to type on my sturdy Logitech keyboard. I think a lot about what I am about to do, then what I did, then what I thought of what I did recent, then if I was going to write, then what I was going to write, then how I was going to write, then SWOOSH!! All the thoughts sucked away to the black hole of my reluctance to think anymore. Whoops! That was a long line with possible grammar castrations, but I’m confident of it to be okay. I go out to get some packets of snacks with a non-alcoholic beverage. Yup- still drink like a fish.

Anyways, enough of the mumbojumbory. And yes, I might have invented a new word. He he. I don’t update my blog primarily because of the above non excusable reason. Also I have been writing more in the specific websites like, Tripadvisor for travel, Zomato for food and IMDB & Rottentomatoes for movies. So practically I am out of the ideas what to put up here. My monster of a PC is in a dreadful condition, hopelessly waiting for its graveyard. Mamma needn’t say no to games now! Apart from my (immense) wisdom in these spheres, all I have are rants from here and there.

And the last reason for me not to post anything is the arrogance of the ignorant. I get it most people don’t read my blog which is natural considering I am no Shakespeare or any other psychotic glorious basterd who I can think of at this moment. Some people read my blog, they may not like everything. That’s okay considering my inability to hypnotize them all in my favor via my writings. Then there are some who curse me in their sleep and walk around hating after waking up. They never breeze their bigoted eyes over any of my supposedly filthy words that are too detrimental for themselves. I am clueless about what they want to say as I (never) read anything they write. Call it my slothful attitude or ineptitude for a disgruntled fellow. Ooh.. So much negative energy. Bad for my chi, as my imaginary shifu said.

Anyways, as a part of my late New Year resolutions, I plan to write more and more here. Oh, that’s a problem seeing I rarely write anything at all. Aye, let’s just say I will WRITE/ rant, thanks to my supportive reader(s). If any consolation at all, I am not what I used to be. I started this to write the review of a beautiful movie named About Time. But meh! I am on the right track. I hope to go a long mile unless and of course there is no fog on track.


MTH 2k14 Poster


Studio: Balaji Motion Pictures
 David Dhawan
Writers: Tushar Hiranandani & Milap Zaveri
Starring: Varun Dhawan, Ileana D’Cruz, Nargis Fakhri, Arunoday Singh, Rajpal Yadav, Anupam Kher & Saurabh Shukhla
Music Director: Sajid-Wajid
Rating: 3/10

What this is about: Sreenath Prasad aka Seenu is the most notorious boy in Ooty. He drops out of college in Ooty in order to pursue education in a Bangalore college. Here he falls in love with Sunaina. But Sunaina is forced to marry Angad, a local police officer, who is more of a terrorizing gangster. Seenu also has another die-hard lover in the form of Ayesha, of whom he is unaware. He had once saved her friends and Ayesha instantly knew that he was the perfect man for her. Ayesha’s father is a big gangster and kidnaps Sunaina to get hold of Seenu and compel him to marry his daughter.

What I say: All hail the stupidest, logic-less, mind-numbing movie of the decade. Can anything be worse than this? I’ve had my share of horrors. But this successfully surpassed by perceptions. Even Ready and Bol Bachhan were better than this. The ratings by the haughty bastards who call themselves “critics” are overly overwhelming. It would be unbelievable if I say I didn’t laugh once till interval. Not even a smirk. Iliena D’Cruz has not improved in her roles since her debut in the B-Town. There were some knock knock punches by the hunk barry Arunoday Singh. There were whistles for Iliena and Nargis when they appeared. I said OK, that’s normal. There were whistles and oohs for Varun Dhawan too… from the MALE audiences. Now THAT’s not normal. If he was physically present there, he would have been eaten alive (like girls would do to Shahrukh or Hrithik). Shakti Kapoor had a small role of a small time smuggler. His presence was as placed as the pigeon droppings on sunny day- you can not fathom the timing.

The music was signature Sajid-Wajid type. Songs were no magical. Most of the time the background score was similar to “main tera hero” song from Desi Boyz. Inspiration may be or Mr Dhawan may have been drooled by the smacking script of Desi Boyz and set an homage.

It is branded a “comedy” by the master of the bygone era- David Dhawan. His days are greyed. For the sake of Bollywood, Mr David Dhawan, please stop making these kind of movies where you think it’s still the 90s. If you miss Govinda so much, then take him instead of the wanna-be-dudes. Because only he can save you and your movies in style like none. It’s people like you because of whom, we the audience are getting dumb, dumber and dumbest and Indian cinema has become a laughing stock in west.

The only things I liked were Saurabh Shukla for his immaculate timings and Nargis Fakhri for (a reason- let’s see…). Even Anupam Kher was a hit & miss. Half of the population in our country of a billion and still more will disagree with me. Still out of the other half most will think of sending a sharpshooter in a helicopter for me as it happened in the movie. As my last words of solace, if you liked/ loved/ enjoyed Welcome, Boss, Rowdy Rathore, Son of Sardaar and everything by Rohit Shetty, you will be wooed and add another great movie to your great list.

But from now on, David Dhawan is on my List of Directors and that’s not a good one. I seriously think the comedy of giving this one more than 3/10 would be better comedy than the movie itself.

I had been missing for a long time now. Not missing in real life, but in this virtual creative literature world. I love to sleep- a lot. My nap time is over; not that somebody threw a bucket of icy cold water over me. So what have I done after coming out of the comfy cocoon? Did a lot of things. Climbed Mt Everest, swam across Arctic, wrestled with a beer, bungee jumped from Eiffel Tower, shook hands with her highness Queen Elizabeth and became best buddies with Mr Obama. Don’t believe me? Ok! I was just kidding. No feats to my name as such.  No, I am not Although I hear they’re good. To the matter at hand- I apologize to whosoever limited readers I do have, actual or fictional, for taking hibernation. Fear no more. I am back and back with more potential energy and all the things in the world to blabber about.

Watched Barfi! last night; I should have learnt from my mistakes of Kahaani, Pyaar Ka Punchnama and Band Baaja Baraat. Better late than never. It kept me thinking… It is late, and by this time half the Indian population on Facebook knows about it. But still I say it here. Why? You’ll know. Barfi! is a story of a mute and deaf guy named Barfi and his unresolved, eternal relationship with two girls one of whom is autistic. Ranbir Kapoor portrays the role of the protagonist, while the sultry Priyanka Chopra plays the character of Jhilmil Chatterjee, an autistic girl and debutant Ileana D’Cruz as Shruti Sengupta. Saurabh Shukla is the Sub Inspector Sudhanshu Dutta who is always in an attempt to catch Barfi because of his nuisances and plays another vital role. The story is set 70s in the backdrop of Darjeeling and some of the parts in Calcutta and Kerala. Barfi is mischievous, smart, funny, kind, loving. Also he’s a master escapist; not like Houdini, like Chaplin, Mr Chalie Chaplin. The way he runs around, uses his environment to his good use, is simply amazing. Ranbir Kapoor could not be any better! This is his by far, THE SUPERIOR MOST performance. So refined, so vivid, so lively and so perfect! Way to go- another superstar in making. Priyanka Chopra has stripped down from her seductress avatar and showcased something she’s never done before, something Miss Kat would not and could never do. May be she got inspiration from Vidya Balan that box-office cannot get you a silver lotus. Miss Ileana D’Cruz, welcome to the Bloodywood. Oops Bollywood. Most of the South Indian actresses come with a blizzard and pass away like a wind. I hope your stay here remain unfettered with undulating viewers’ demands, nevertheless pleasant.

The biggest surprise of this movie for me was the director- Anurag Basu. Given his history, I was half willed and full disdained about Barfi!. Oh it is no secret the love of the people for his kind of directors. A few such include Rohit Shetty, Mohit Suri, Anish Bazmee and the Khan Siblings. I still cannot believe Mr Basu is behind this marvelous drama. He must be on some kind of happy pill like Bradley Cooper in Limitless. Or somebody else directed it, secretly, like Shakespeare and his plays. How did he get so much talented overnight? Did he bump his head into something or what? It’s like a jump from the social need to Self Actualization in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Pyramid. The direction is well defined, far too refined, perfection inclined and silver lined. Every minute details are eyed upon like the old one Rupee notes as tips to the cycle and tea brands in 70s. The perfection sometimes seemed superficial. Those who know me personally are aware of my awareness, criticism and sense of realism on screen. Most of the scenes are direct rip-offs from several Korean, Chinese and Charlie Chaplin Movies. Mr Basu, you have made a generous contribution to the Indian cinema history and I hope you will rip the guts off the cinemas foreign to Bollywood in your your upcoming movies too.

Another surprise for me was the music. When I heard the songs in the promos, I thought AR Rahman was the man behind the band baaja. Alas, ‘twas not but Pritam! Just when I thought he’s not at par with S-E-L or Rahman, he delivered Barfi!. The music is contemporary rock and has a Bengali band touch to it. Nilesh Mishra, Swanand Kirkire and Sayeed Qadri have penned down the tune words and Pritam has made another rip-off of the year. Tunes are finely tuned from the master records of Amelie, etc. Even then the tracks are good to the ears.

The plot is slow paced and keeps itself interesting. You will be amazed how the places, even the minutest and mundane things like ceiling fans or wrist watch, have been belonging to the 70s. There are three popular movies which have come to screen this year by Bengali directors- Kahaani by Sujoy Ghosh, Vicky Donor by Shoojit Sircar and this one. The biggest irony of all is these movies are well accepted in this country where chocolaty celebrities’ popcorn flicks containing above the ground action scenes and slow motion mambo jumbo sequences with a story a five year old can cook. The protagonists are portrayed as super humans and their facial expressions are similar to having an erectile dysfunction. This year it has been 7 movies which have crossed 100 crore rupees box office collection, out of which I believe none has a novel, plausible, logical and intellectual plot. My well wishers are gonna make me ill if I say include Agneepath specifically in this list. Most, if not all are, let us say, nonsensical garrulous scripts written by the 7 year olds for their homework assignment. The film is sent as India’s official entry for the Best Foreign Language Film nomination for the 85th Academy Awards in February 2013. Good decision Govt of India. Another foreign trip and free entry to the prestigious long luscious red carpet of the Dolby Theater. Another epic moment to show how dumb, copycats and shameless we are. Let us give the world another reason to objectify India. At least we can be better relieved because, it was not Ek Tha Tiger or Jab Tak Hai Jaan. Phew!

Although nothing is original at least of the places, it is simple yet funny. The undulating love, sincerity and caring between two people are bound to captivate and shake every emotions one does have. Absence the nonsense and words, Barfi is going to stun you every minute, every second, every frame. At times you will clap, you will laugh, you will remain silent and there will be times when you let your eyes go only because you cannot hold them no more. By the end of the movie you will be whirling in the emotional waters treading out something which you won’t be able to explain reasonably enough, yet, satisfying…very much satisfying because of a utopia you desire inside your heart now. The director has declared the movie as an homage to Mr Charlie Chaplin. I am really skeptical that he can differentiate between homage and plagiarism.

If you can forget and ignore the rumors and the word on the streets, it will be a movie to remember. Ignorance is bliss!! Just sit back and immerse. May be you will not be disappointed. Coming to an end, I could not refrain myself from writing this so far. Giving a rating will be a dishonor to the movie and a challenge to my acuity. I think Anuraag Basu has attended Harvard and Pritam has a honorary doctorate in music from The Oxford, about which nobody knows anything about. I therefore say these final words for this- if you are a first timer/ have less experience in non-Indian movies/ have too much love for the hindi cinema/ not from a literature background/ believe English movie are copies from everywhere/ casual viewer/ stubborn jackass, chance are most likely you will like this movie. To me, it is a disgrace that we the people of India like to be fools and be fooled. Despite its shortcomings and flawed story, I give this 7/10, because of the four primary actors’ performance and some moments. I bid adieu with anticipation that there will be more to this sensation and promise that I will tell every story that brings forth so. I hope no mob is waiting outside my door for my “erratic”, against-the-trend and bitter review.

Geek Who?

Posted: January 18, 2012 in Diary at Dawn

Who’s a geek? My read-by-less-than-10-people blog’s even lesser no of readers must have got an idea how I start my topic. While the whole mankind is in a denial of getting pleasure in answering, I too cannot resist asking. SO here I am again.

Who’s a geek? If you don’t know, then read on. If you know, think again. Look around you. Is it the guy in the corner of the class? Is it the guy wearing minus 6 powered glasses? Is it the topper of the class or the performer of the zone? It’s NOT the guy whose motto is “work hard, party harder”. It may seem very much like him. But he’s not. He’s only part of heavy voice process.

In this sort of long term of life I have, I’ve taken a mental note of the geeks. They might have been defined as something but that’s very much limited and the person, who gave that definition, excluded himself from it. Geeks are not limited to single type. To geek is the one who claims he should be in any job irrespective of his core competency of education. He says the whole world is ahead/in front/ before/ ^%$#^% him and he’s going to win it. I wonder WTF. He has obviously everything to do with the world except being IN it! Furthermore I’d like to know the names of the leaders after Napoleon Bonaparte or Darius the Great who have actually WON the world. Such Soliloquy..!

He’s the one who tells me organic studies are far more important than mathematics or language or particle science. Geek is the one who’s blind to a pattern. He’s the one who pretends to be Alexander but never knows a how to look up the word “phonaestheme” in the dictionary. He thinks he can build a rocket after having a post-doctoral in micro biology or ancient history. He’s the one they portray on screen where the “hero” is a charming a$$#*^@! Geek is the one who’s unwilling of the top management, but wants to remain in the organization for 40 more years.

Geek is the boy who looks at a beautiful girl and tries to gauge how her marks in the class or targets achieved in her work. He collects her every figure and statistics except the vital, sees her next time and forgets to ogle. He is the one who calls up his boss at 2 o’clock in the morning asking for permission to take a leak. He’s an MBA in marketing, fails to answer the no of Ps or Cs or As but spits the name of every bone in human body including that of a giraffe, a grizzly bear and an ostrich.

Geek is one who thinks Windows NT is the ubercoolest of all the OS that exist in the world. He’s one who carries his silver black DVD wallet and his titanium tool box to everywhere he goes.

And to the share of the world, and dismay of many, geeks are all around.

Publisher: Atari
Developer: CD Projekt
Genre: Action, RPG

There are many games I played since my last review here. Many exceeded my expectations, many failed. There seems a draught of good games in the past four months. Don’t judge me; I do not play the horror genre. Otherwise this segment saw many good releases filled with mutants and hair rising work of the Devil. This is so told by my colleagues who enjoy the creeps.

The story starts where the previous one ended. Geralt now serves the king in the war along with his love Merigold. After the war gets over, he becomes a suspect in the assassination of the king, which becomes the primary plot. Geralt now seeks the murderer, to clear his name. As the game progresses you take help of the king’s benevolent spy Vernon Roche or the defamed elf Iorveth. The story develops as per your actions. This is classy “witcher”.  Story wise Witcher 2 is better than its predecessor. While in the first part Geralt tries to get over his amnesia and remains disoriented in his story, in the sequel he’s far more focused. One would enjoy the storyline.

The gameplay in Witcher 2 is different from the first part. The combat technique has been brought back to general, which is easy. But the thing that made The Witcher such a hit was the swordplay. You’d have to hit the buttons at appropriate time to initiate a combo and Geralt finishes it. That was spectacular to watch and cold minded to play. But by bringing the crazy button hitting style combat, Witcher 2 has lost the previous charm. But that may be the only noticeable knockdown. Geralt can now NOT talk to everyone, which was very much annoying in the first game. Geralt can now NOT enter every household in the corner; another save from the annoyance. But Geralt can now find and loot everything he can think of in alchemy and crafting in everything he sees around. He can now find the coins in the fruit basket too! Another addition is the carriage capacity like in Stalker. This prevents Geralt to carry the world load of substances in his small pouch. Ha! There is no fast, group or strong style of combat as there were in the first part. Instead Geralt can unlock Berserk/ Heilopt/ Group-finisher move as per his path unlocked in the character upgrade. Geralt has a new adrenaline bar on the screen which is way too cool and worth a watch. To end the game, it’s shorter than The Witcher, as there are rarely any side quests. About 30 hours of playtime there. And you have to forgive and forget the conclusion. This I mention because I learned the story, and the ending is like the great TV series “LOST”- unsatisfying and naive to brew.

Take a look at the graphics of Witcher 2, you’ll be AMMAAAZED. CDPROJEKT has used everything that’s available on the God’s green earth in terms of bells and whistles. CD Projekt developed their own engine for the game, unlike the first installment which ran on a modified version of BioWare’s Aurora Engine. Even at the medium settings the game looks pretty much pretty. Thanks to the new Red Engine with Havok physics engine and Real support. The detailing is neatly done. The ambience and the lightings during the night are a bit bright compared to the first part. The cut-scenes use the in-game graphics for video instead of being external and independent. So if you squeezed a few bucks to settle for a mediocre graphics card, you won’t like what you see. But look apart, you got a nice rig, and Witcher 2 won’t give you a chance to look down.

Apart from lookey see in the game, what you hear is the best in any games produced (not sure about the horrors, because I never tried them). The background music when Geralt anticipates a fight will make your heart rate go gaga. Every sound you speaker (provided you got a nice pair of Creative soundmakers and above) makes is enough to keep you engaged to listen to it. Full marks for the sound.

The game is rated R for strong language and explicit visuals. I especially love Triss. In the meantime, you can also try Fable III, which released about the same time. But once you have played Witcher 2, you can easily ignore the garrulous release from Microsoft which is a failure before the glory of The Fable. Witcher 2: Assassins of the Kings is a fantastic game and a good bang for the hard earned bucks. CDPROJEKT has surely worked very hard for this. Although The Witcher was deadly in terms of combat, Witcher 2 has many things in its sleeve for the show.

If you have bought the game already, it’s because Geralt and CDPROJEKT have earned it. 8.5 / 10.