Defining You

Posted: June 22, 2011 in Diary at Dawn

You… How do I define you? I have thought of this many times in many ways. I have a rationale of thinking things over and over. But my IQ failed always at a single point that I reach at a single inference no matter how and what. Every time, I realize that I cannot define you. The way you are, it’s simply out of my imagination. As I am writing this, I’m out of words for you. You have always been more than just a dream for me. A wish, a prayer, a fantasy, a desire.

You…When I saw you the first time, you looked different. I still remember when I called you the first time. The first time I heard you on phone, I swear it was the sweetest voice I ever heard. You jumped in your bed listening to me. You never expected this, eh! The 2nd time, you looked different too! The 3rd, the 4th, the 5th… How many times you looked familiar? You became like an old wine, better with time. Every time I met you, you looked better than before. That photo of yours in maroon, gosh you are gorgeous!

You…always been an inspiration for me. You changed my perspective, my vision, and my ambition.

* * * * *

Mu ducts are dried up. I can’t cry. No matter how hard I try to, all I get is a mere migraine. Then the frustration in me screams what in the world I have achieved. My agony shrieks high. The world has denied me the recognition. For a while you were the one who knew me. But now I am a stranger to you too. You accused me of being selfish and coward. I could not let you go. How could I? I waited very long to catch a glimpse. You will never know the dormant loneliness. And when I finally got you, I couldn’t simply miss you again, could I? At least I thought I got you. Now I don’t know what’s true and whom to believe.

I’m waiting for you in a city which has spread a graveyard for me. They say it’s not supposed to. Irony it is.

Someone saw my hands and said I’d not get the one I loved. I was skeptical. I laughed at his face and said that rubbish. I got my love and she was waiting for me. He drew a smirk on his face and put both my palms together and said to see for myself. My lines didn’t make shape of half a moon. I called him a fool who didn’t know what he was telling. Today I think how dead right he was.

It has been quite a journey for me to know you. What I knew went nihil. What I didn’t, blossomed up quietly somewhere. You had asked me many times to define you. All the time I was speechless. Now I am too. Only difference is, while with you, I was dazzled by my luck. But now, I’m puzzled by my destiny.

What I started writing with, was to put a light into the time, without you. But the serendipity I gained makes me unable. You might have been planning on this for a long time, but I never dreamt of its possibility. May be that is why it has been hard for me to write.. to think.. to live.. to die.

You were my sunshine, my only sunshine

You made me happy, when skies were gray

You’d never know dear, how much I loved you

Now you have taken my sunshine away.


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