Archive for the ‘Desi Beat’ Category

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Studio: Balaji Motion Pictures
 David Dhawan
Writers: Tushar Hiranandani & Milap Zaveri
Starring: Varun Dhawan, Ileana D’Cruz, Nargis Fakhri, Arunoday Singh, Rajpal Yadav, Anupam Kher & Saurabh Shukhla
Music Director: Sajid-Wajid
Rating: 3/10

What this is about: Sreenath Prasad aka Seenu is the most notorious boy in Ooty. He drops out of college in Ooty in order to pursue education in a Bangalore college. Here he falls in love with Sunaina. But Sunaina is forced to marry Angad, a local police officer, who is more of a terrorizing gangster. Seenu also has another die-hard lover in the form of Ayesha, of whom he is unaware. He had once saved her friends and Ayesha instantly knew that he was the perfect man for her. Ayesha’s father is a big gangster and kidnaps Sunaina to get hold of Seenu and compel him to marry his daughter.

What I say: All hail the stupidest, logic-less, mind-numbing movie of the decade. Can anything be worse than this? I’ve had my share of horrors. But this successfully surpassed by perceptions. Even Ready and Bol Bachhan were better than this. The ratings by the haughty bastards who call themselves “critics” are overly overwhelming. It would be unbelievable if I say I didn’t laugh once till interval. Not even a smirk. Iliena D’Cruz has not improved in her roles since her debut in the B-Town. There were some knock knock punches by the hunk barry Arunoday Singh. There were whistles for Iliena and Nargis when they appeared. I said OK, that’s normal. There were whistles and oohs for Varun Dhawan too… from the MALE audiences. Now THAT’s not normal. If he was physically present there, he would have been eaten alive (like girls would do to Shahrukh or Hrithik). Shakti Kapoor had a small role of a small time smuggler. His presence was as placed as the pigeon droppings on sunny day- you can not fathom the timing.

The music was signature Sajid-Wajid type. Songs were no magical. Most of the time the background score was similar to “main tera hero” song from Desi Boyz. Inspiration may be or Mr Dhawan may have been drooled by the smacking script of Desi Boyz and set an homage.

It is branded a “comedy” by the master of the bygone era- David Dhawan. His days are greyed. For the sake of Bollywood, Mr David Dhawan, please stop making these kind of movies where you think it’s still the 90s. If you miss Govinda so much, then take him instead of the wanna-be-dudes. Because only he can save you and your movies in style like none. It’s people like you because of whom, we the audience are getting dumb, dumber and dumbest and Indian cinema has become a laughing stock in west.

The only things I liked were Saurabh Shukla for his immaculate timings and Nargis Fakhri for (a reason- let’s see…). Even Anupam Kher was a hit & miss. Half of the population in our country of a billion and still more will disagree with me. Still out of the other half most will think of sending a sharpshooter in a helicopter for me as it happened in the movie. As my last words of solace, if you liked/ loved/ enjoyed Welcome, Boss, Rowdy Rathore, Son of Sardaar and everything by Rohit Shetty, you will be wooed and add another great movie to your great list.

But from now on, David Dhawan is on my List of Directors and that’s not a good one. I seriously think the comedy of giving this one more than 3/10 would be better comedy than the movie itself.


I had been missing for a long time now. Not missing in real life, but in this virtual creative literature world. I love to sleep- a lot. My nap time is over; not that somebody threw a bucket of icy cold water over me. So what have I done after coming out of the comfy cocoon? Did a lot of things. Climbed Mt Everest, swam across Arctic, wrestled with a beer, bungee jumped from Eiffel Tower, shook hands with her highness Queen Elizabeth and became best buddies with Mr Obama. Don’t believe me? Ok! I was just kidding. No feats to my name as such.  No, I am not Although I hear they’re good. To the matter at hand- I apologize to whosoever limited readers I do have, actual or fictional, for taking hibernation. Fear no more. I am back and back with more potential energy and all the things in the world to blabber about.

Watched Barfi! last night; I should have learnt from my mistakes of Kahaani, Pyaar Ka Punchnama and Band Baaja Baraat. Better late than never. It kept me thinking… It is late, and by this time half the Indian population on Facebook knows about it. But still I say it here. Why? You’ll know. Barfi! is a story of a mute and deaf guy named Barfi and his unresolved, eternal relationship with two girls one of whom is autistic. Ranbir Kapoor portrays the role of the protagonist, while the sultry Priyanka Chopra plays the character of Jhilmil Chatterjee, an autistic girl and debutant Ileana D’Cruz as Shruti Sengupta. Saurabh Shukla is the Sub Inspector Sudhanshu Dutta who is always in an attempt to catch Barfi because of his nuisances and plays another vital role. The story is set 70s in the backdrop of Darjeeling and some of the parts in Calcutta and Kerala. Barfi is mischievous, smart, funny, kind, loving. Also he’s a master escapist; not like Houdini, like Chaplin, Mr Chalie Chaplin. The way he runs around, uses his environment to his good use, is simply amazing. Ranbir Kapoor could not be any better! This is his by far, THE SUPERIOR MOST performance. So refined, so vivid, so lively and so perfect! Way to go- another superstar in making. Priyanka Chopra has stripped down from her seductress avatar and showcased something she’s never done before, something Miss Kat would not and could never do. May be she got inspiration from Vidya Balan that box-office cannot get you a silver lotus. Miss Ileana D’Cruz, welcome to the Bloodywood. Oops Bollywood. Most of the South Indian actresses come with a blizzard and pass away like a wind. I hope your stay here remain unfettered with undulating viewers’ demands, nevertheless pleasant.

The biggest surprise of this movie for me was the director- Anurag Basu. Given his history, I was half willed and full disdained about Barfi!. Oh it is no secret the love of the people for his kind of directors. A few such include Rohit Shetty, Mohit Suri, Anish Bazmee and the Khan Siblings. I still cannot believe Mr Basu is behind this marvelous drama. He must be on some kind of happy pill like Bradley Cooper in Limitless. Or somebody else directed it, secretly, like Shakespeare and his plays. How did he get so much talented overnight? Did he bump his head into something or what? It’s like a jump from the social need to Self Actualization in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Pyramid. The direction is well defined, far too refined, perfection inclined and silver lined. Every minute details are eyed upon like the old one Rupee notes as tips to the cycle and tea brands in 70s. The perfection sometimes seemed superficial. Those who know me personally are aware of my awareness, criticism and sense of realism on screen. Most of the scenes are direct rip-offs from several Korean, Chinese and Charlie Chaplin Movies. Mr Basu, you have made a generous contribution to the Indian cinema history and I hope you will rip the guts off the cinemas foreign to Bollywood in your your upcoming movies too.

Another surprise for me was the music. When I heard the songs in the promos, I thought AR Rahman was the man behind the band baaja. Alas, ‘twas not but Pritam! Just when I thought he’s not at par with S-E-L or Rahman, he delivered Barfi!. The music is contemporary rock and has a Bengali band touch to it. Nilesh Mishra, Swanand Kirkire and Sayeed Qadri have penned down the tune words and Pritam has made another rip-off of the year. Tunes are finely tuned from the master records of Amelie, etc. Even then the tracks are good to the ears.

The plot is slow paced and keeps itself interesting. You will be amazed how the places, even the minutest and mundane things like ceiling fans or wrist watch, have been belonging to the 70s. There are three popular movies which have come to screen this year by Bengali directors- Kahaani by Sujoy Ghosh, Vicky Donor by Shoojit Sircar and this one. The biggest irony of all is these movies are well accepted in this country where chocolaty celebrities’ popcorn flicks containing above the ground action scenes and slow motion mambo jumbo sequences with a story a five year old can cook. The protagonists are portrayed as super humans and their facial expressions are similar to having an erectile dysfunction. This year it has been 7 movies which have crossed 100 crore rupees box office collection, out of which I believe none has a novel, plausible, logical and intellectual plot. My well wishers are gonna make me ill if I say include Agneepath specifically in this list. Most, if not all are, let us say, nonsensical garrulous scripts written by the 7 year olds for their homework assignment. The film is sent as India’s official entry for the Best Foreign Language Film nomination for the 85th Academy Awards in February 2013. Good decision Govt of India. Another foreign trip and free entry to the prestigious long luscious red carpet of the Dolby Theater. Another epic moment to show how dumb, copycats and shameless we are. Let us give the world another reason to objectify India. At least we can be better relieved because, it was not Ek Tha Tiger or Jab Tak Hai Jaan. Phew!

Although nothing is original at least of the places, it is simple yet funny. The undulating love, sincerity and caring between two people are bound to captivate and shake every emotions one does have. Absence the nonsense and words, Barfi is going to stun you every minute, every second, every frame. At times you will clap, you will laugh, you will remain silent and there will be times when you let your eyes go only because you cannot hold them no more. By the end of the movie you will be whirling in the emotional waters treading out something which you won’t be able to explain reasonably enough, yet, satisfying…very much satisfying because of a utopia you desire inside your heart now. The director has declared the movie as an homage to Mr Charlie Chaplin. I am really skeptical that he can differentiate between homage and plagiarism.

If you can forget and ignore the rumors and the word on the streets, it will be a movie to remember. Ignorance is bliss!! Just sit back and immerse. May be you will not be disappointed. Coming to an end, I could not refrain myself from writing this so far. Giving a rating will be a dishonor to the movie and a challenge to my acuity. I think Anuraag Basu has attended Harvard and Pritam has a honorary doctorate in music from The Oxford, about which nobody knows anything about. I therefore say these final words for this- if you are a first timer/ have less experience in non-Indian movies/ have too much love for the hindi cinema/ not from a literature background/ believe English movie are copies from everywhere/ casual viewer/ stubborn jackass, chance are most likely you will like this movie. To me, it is a disgrace that we the people of India like to be fools and be fooled. Despite its shortcomings and flawed story, I give this 7/10, because of the four primary actors’ performance and some moments. I bid adieu with anticipation that there will be more to this sensation and promise that I will tell every story that brings forth so. I hope no mob is waiting outside my door for my “erratic”, against-the-trend and bitter review.

Director: Vikramaditya Motwane
Writer: Anurag Kashap, Vikramaditya Motwane
Starring: Ronit Roy,  Rajat Barmecha, Ram Kapoor, Aayan Boradia
Music Director: Amit Trivedi
Lyricist: Amitabh Bhattacharya

What this is about: 17 year old Rohan is expelled from a reputed boarding school along with 3 friends when they caught watching an adult movie off campus. He returns home to Jamshedpur where a stern father and a 7 year old half brother he didn’t know about await him. He is forced to attend engineering classes at the local university, and work at his father’s metalworks factory. His kind uncle supports his ambition of being a writer, but his father will have none of it. Will Rohan adjust to his father’s abusive and disciplinarian ways, or is his dream of being a writer too strong to put down ?

What I say: I saw this one pretty late. What could I do? DVD wasn’t out. I wasn’t gonna buy any DVDs anyways. I dunno how to start this one. I’m being extra careful (you read cautious n I read it nervous). The reason being it’s going to be read by an eminent person, I know personally. Now I’m running out of words to put. Damn it!

After my lunch on the Sunday, I sat before my PC with my friends to watch this one on their request. I’m a sadist when it comes to Bollywood. So I never make any request per sè. I dropped the screens down, closed the door, killed the lights, pumped up my Creative speakers and took a pillow to be prepared for hours to go. As fas as movie experience at my place goes, they say- it’s a theater. They’re happy, I’m modest. So, it begins now.

Excellent start for we people I must say. Adolescent boys going to a movie rated “R”, jumping the walls of their hostel at night brings down memories (Not mine dumbo, I swear). Spoiler alert- *they are identified by their warden and expelled*. The 17 year old brat, Rohan returns home, only to find his cracked up to the a$$ father who never gave a visit for 8 years and a step brother who didn’t exist till 6 years back. Now Rohan’s life takes turns (read twisters). The middle class family without the mother in the great city of Jamshedpur takes a heavy toll. He wants to be a poet. But after being kicked out of a grade A school, alas he has no choice except following his father’s dream of making him an engineer.  So, Rohan discovers many things, many people, does things, doesn’t do things.

Script wise the story is strong. It took years for Vikramaditya to write. The realistic depiction of characters has made the movie so much authentic. The movie shows the bonding between brothers and relationship between father and son. Ronit Roy as a father is dashing, daunting and has deliverance. Ram Kapoor as brother of Ronit, has done a very good job. The illustrious silver screen duo paired for the first time in a cinema and unlike the conspiracy-filled-grey-haired-handsome-rich-smooth-skinned-notorious-jackass in the Indian serials, have delivered an electrifying performance.  The débutante Rajat Bermecha in the role of Rohan and Aayan Boradia as six year old Arjun have illustrated skills that are fun filled and emotional. They are captivating and applaudable. In addition the poems by Rohan made me say- touché. Hell I feel like a Da Vinci myself.

Music is by the dynamic pair Amit and Amitabha. Same people behind Dev D. Songs and background beats are made just for my ears I suppose. Anurag Kashyap likes them surely. Anurag Kashyap has made movies which are meant for limited audiences and often receive positive critic reviews except No Smoking. No Smoking was a cinema made for mass audience by the brightest upcoming half-nude-long-straight-haired-single-expression-faced John Abraham. That was smoked to puff. He he. Till now Udaan has received tremendous response from all the critics over the country with avg rating of 4 on a 5 point scale. Only Filmfare and Taran Adarsh gave them less cos, DDLJ is the greatest film of all time. Ha!

The pace of the movie is slow. As seen in the trailer, the plot does not follow like that. So it may not be liked by all the audiences. But those who don’t mind a slow paced powerful drama are most likely to catch best of 2010. I was not so happy to see the ending. I was expecting a better climax. Literally nothing happened. No matter how I see the end freedom or flee, it does not soothe me. That’s the only down point.

Otherwise Udaan contains a show of dream and passion, which at this time of year is the epitome of Indian Cinema. Bound by the critic’s code I gladly say that this one is worth a solid 8.5 without haste.

Director: Rajashree Ojha
Starring: Sonam Kapoor, Abhay Deol, Ira Dubey, Amrita Puri, Cyrus Sahukar
Music Director: Amit Trivedi
Lyricist: Javed Akhtar

What this is about: Aisha is a girl with a simple problem – everyone’s business is her business. Arjun is a boy with even a simpler set of beliefs – Aisha should mind her own business. Caught in her web are Pinky, her best friend, the small town girl Shefali, the west Delhi boy Randhir and the hunk Dhruv. Aisha will make sure everyone dances to her tune. And all Arjun wants to do is disentangle that web and get Aisha out of an impending sticky mess.

What do I say: I went to multiplex reluctantly to see Sonam Kapoor in action (never liked any Kapoor really), even though it had Abhay Deol. We were friends, all and young, restless and after a party still strong. I agreed to watch it when I gave it a serious thought that I had nothing better to do had I stayed at my room. So, this review now. Abhay Deol- actor of my time. Every movie I watched starring him, he constantly surprised me. Deols were never so flamboyant, only Abhay an exception. Dude shone like a diamond and glittered like a star.

Aisha, never expected much by me, infact came stronger(read sweeter) to me. Sonam Kapoor did her part pretty with her looks. This was my first movie with Sonam, and girl she impressed me. The protagonist played by her along with her two friends Pinky (Ira Dubey) and Shefali (Amrita Puri) was very well conceived. While my friend was busy getting a glimpse of Sonam, I was getting burned by the looks of Ira. What was in the plot I won’t explain. That’s written above. I’ll talk rest. The movie was full of Milan’s apparel accent like “Devil Wears Prada” and the lifestyles and talks like many folks I know. I don’t approve of such hypocrisy but in movie I applauded to it. The lifestyles were so truly depicted in my favorite city- Delhi. Delhi-ites know very definition of a cosmopolitan and the débutante director Rajashree Ojha followed it like bee after honey.

While the first half was so full of crackles and giggles, part after the intermission was dulled due to the plot. ’twas nice till the ending where I thought for sometime it went haywired. But none of them were climax, so no harm done. Dancing to every beat first half then realizing your mistake for a comedy. And sorry Sonam- this was way better no matter how you hate love stories.

Now bells n whistles- Oh yeah! Music department wise this was one of the rockiest in this fiscal. Amit Trivedi has done a fantastic job. Those who are wondering who this fine man is, let me awe you by the information that he’s the man behind all the bandbajas of Dev D and Striker. And one notable thing that my friends agreed with me was the background beats. With the beats my hands and legs couldn’t stop tapping to air and floor. They were a sweet haven for a drummer.

Now I take a oath- I’ll watch each and every movie by Abhay Deol. Boy’s got talent! I don’t have not much plot to write this time as there are my roomies testing their impatience to watch “Once Upon A Time in Mumbai”, which is my next movie. So, i’m writing this one in a hurry, along with a fact that my friend is constantly raising his boombox with Bollywood oldies and reminding me that he has not come out of ’60s. Gotta close now. Atleast my ’60s Indian will quit ringing Jai Sriram in my ears.

And wait wait. I forgot. Overall this is a popcorn flick, which you will enjoy if you are in a light mood and not into Shakespeare or M.F. Hussain. Till then, girls go to Pantaloons and grab a copy of what Sonam and her friends were wearing in Aisha. My ratings- 6.5/10.

Kites Movie Review

Posted: June 6, 2010 in Desi Beat, Reviews

Director: Anurag Basu
Producer: Rakesh Roshan
Music Director: Rajesh Roshan
Cast: Hrithik Roshan, Barbara Mori, Kabir Bedi, Kangna Raunat

Plot: Dance Teacher Hrithik Roshan acts to be in love with Kangana Ranaut so he could use her wealth to live his life but his destiny turns his life upside down when he comes face to face with Kangana’s Brother (Nicholas Brown)Tony’s fiancée Barbara Mori. He realizes that Barbara is only marrying Tony for money just like him.. They both fell in love and the usual betrayal takes place in a typical bollywood style.. Kabir Bedi who happens to be Kangana’s Father and the owner of a prestigious Casino in Las Vegas who also is a Gangster does nothing and his Tony becomes mad after the ran-away couple that he just travels around the globe after them shooting around with his men..

What I say: When my friend said that we were going to see the movie today morning at around noon, I felt so disgruntled. It was Saturday and I didn’t want to leave my room at this lovely weather. Although I was quite reluctant about the X-Factor, still I was hoping that somehow I will be a bit satisfied with Anurag Basu who had given us Flicks like Gangster and Life in A Metro. I had been wronged before and today too I was wronged again.

First things first, you would have heard the phrase: ‘Only Style, No Substance’.. Kites changes that phrase into ‘Only Hrithik, Nothing Else’.. Shooting in Vegas didn’t add any spark to the movie. The whole movie is shot in Las Vegas, LA and New mexico. I have no clue if Anurag Basu knows abt US or been there. He made some basic mistakes thinking it was India was absolute bullish. Anurag, get these things straight- A)You can’t just shoot people in US and roam free and B) When a fugitive is on the run in a balloon, the police shoot the balloon, not cough in the smoke and wonder where he has gone.

The movie started well but, it failed to keep a fast paced momentum. But not Hrithik. Hrithik initially was not up to the mark but then as the film paced he got better and better. And he can dance too! And our so called “Hollywood actress” Barbara Mori did a good job. She’s beautiful, seductive, touching and natural. The chemistry between Hrithik and her was real good. It came as a natural to her after her rich experience in TV. The music was about average. But the background music was superb- a Spanish Theme.

But the action sequence- Oh my god!! I’d drop dead if u say it was any good, specially when show the cinematic in US backdrop. The chase scenes were far too cheesy. A half truck not being able to be chased by BMWs and Hummer was AAAAHHHH!!!!! YUCK!!!! The revenge scene at the end was like what-the-heck-happened-here.

One good and notable thing about this flick is the Spanish parts have subtitles and Barbara Mori speaks only Spanish, which is realistic. This was not like any other Indian melodrama hit where the English people speak Hindi like they are just out of the town.

My verdict? 1 for Seductress Barbara, 1 for background music, 1 for Hrithik and TWO for the Original Spanish part. 5/10